Author Etiquette

I have a question for all the experienced authors out there. What are your rules on responding to customer comments?

Since publishing my first book at the start of this year, I have worked hard on marketing. I make sure my website is up to date and that my Facebook page has new posts a couple of times a week. I tried Amazon Ads for a while with some success (although found it too expensive) and now, like others on ASPA, I have discovered Facebook Ads which work well.

All of this is brilliant news, of course, and I am far from complaining. But I have found it does bring with it a certain level of anxiety about how I should interact with readers who get in touch with me.

I can talk all day about my topic of interest, and so instinctively imagine that everyone

who shares the same love will be my friend. But that is a naive viewpoint and sets me off overthinking what to write back to them.

To put this into context, I am thinking of my Facebook Ad. When people started reaching out to say they had bought my book I almost burst with pride. I had reached random strangers from faraway places, and I could not have been prouder. Without trying to appear too gushing or too grateful (we are professionals, after all!) I considered that if I liked their comment and said words to the effect of ‘I am pleased you are enjoying it’, then that should hopefully cover it.

But still I was uneasy. Should I be thanking them for their custom or did that sound too desperate? Should I be aloof and press ‘like’ with no comment, or was that too cold? Should I ask them what they thought or was that too needy?

After much deliberation about what to do, I built up a reasonable blend of polite but neutral comments which ping ponged back and forth and seemed to hit the right level. But then came a new comment which set me worrying again.

I had replied to one person who said my book was on order. I sent back a cheery hope that they would enjoy learning more about my world when it arrived. The next day they replied to say that they had studied the time period already and knew a lot about it. That threw me as to what to do next.

I wondered if I had offended them in what I had said? I wondered if the word ‘learn’ was too condescending when the truth was, I was just searching for a different way to express my gratitude and making sure all my replies did not sound the same.

I told myself they were they just being polite and purely replying to me as I had replied to them and there was no follow up necessary. Then I convinced myself that they were trying to show me that they were an expert in the field and felt patronised.

Of course, there may have been nothing more to it than that they were an individual who routinely likes to be the one to end a message exchange, but as I did not know them and as I suffer from the perpetual writer’s trait of insecurity, I still remained uneasy.

With my own friends and personal contacts, I understand when to stop with the messaging on a particular day. I know the ones who I can leave an unemotional comment with, and I know the ones who will never fail to send back a suitable emoji as a cue that we have said all we need to for now.

But social media is a whole new beast in an anonymous world. It has taken me decades to figure out the body language of colleagues and how to read the room in my career. Now, it’s like I’ve opened the door to a brand-new office block on a different planet.

Some forums (like here on ASPA) feel very safe where we are supportive and respectful in a shared community. But some social media platforms can be brutal and leave you with the sensation you have been stung. I never want to give that impression to anyone, no matter how unconsciously it was done.

So that is why I am appealing to you. What are your rules regarding interaction with people you don’t know?  Are you a simple ‘like comment’ kind of person or a brief ‘thank you for your interest’ kind of person. Perhaps you are you a full-on friendly ‘let’s have a conversation’ kind of person and have made many new friends.

I would love to know your experiences and what works for you.